toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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