drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
