Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
