Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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