The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
false alarm, still single
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
