I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
