i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
