how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
