i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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