Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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