My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
