just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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