Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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