Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
