sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i will never coherently bang her
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
