dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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