Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
