fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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