I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
