I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
