I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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