i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
