By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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