Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
