We named our party play list daddy issues
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
