Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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