I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
