Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
