i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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