Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
