Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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