I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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