low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
