I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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