maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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