MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
