you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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