she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You are the jesus of drinking
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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