I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
