i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
