NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We are two peas in an std pod
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
