hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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