dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
