We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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