Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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