It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Everything about him screamed your future.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
