did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You can't just leave with hair like that
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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