Tell her she can't have a vagina
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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