Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
