Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
