You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
