evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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