You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
