Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
