So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
