it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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