Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
