I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
