i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
