Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
