just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sarcasm needs its own font
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
