I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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