I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I will pee on everything he values.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
