i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize