TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
