My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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