Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Still dying that you shit outside
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
